How original is your name?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 47 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I thought this was kind of fun. I found this on a few of my favorite people's blogs!

"Depression Hurts"

For those of you who know me well, this will come as no surprise. For others, it may be surprising. To both sets of people, if this is more reality then you want to read, stop reading.

I guess I'm finally talking about this because it is a HUGE struggle in my life. And frankly, I'm tired of pretending that everything is great & wonderful ALL OF THE TIME.

In the past I have pretended because it was the only thing that made me feel better. Making people smile and doing service helped me make it through the day.

A perfect example of this is, last week. My son Alex accidentally defrosted my freezer. So what did I do? I made a bunch of food & shared it with anyone willing to take the food off my hands. Why did I do this? To cope with the fact that I had no choice but to use or throw away most of the food that I had stored for my 3 month supply. I didn't even allow myself to feel sad because I have so much practice at "making lemonade" out of life's challenges.

For me, in the long run, being fake and pretending everything is great and wonderful all of the time only makes me feel worse not better. All people feel sad sometimes and pretending that we don't, is a waste of energy. We can't go around whining all of the time but we do need to vent every now and then.

Unfortunately, as a result of me tendency, to pretend, I often overstep my role. I often hurt peoples feelings in the process of just trying to be nice.
Some of you may think we all do that. Of course we do, it's only natural. However, some of you know that I do this more then most people. And, if I have done this to you, I am so sorry!

With my depression, sometimes I appear to be on top of the world. I behave like everyone is wonderful and nothing is ever bad or wrong. This tendency makes me look fake, and honestly until recently I didn't even realized that I was pretending.

It's still hard for me to admit that everything isn't perfect. I know that by learning this new the skill I will be more honest with myself and be an overall healthier person.

I wrote this post mostly for me. It feels good to accept the reality and put it in writing.

Happy Birthday Ty

Saturday, September 27th, we celebrated Tyson's second birthday. Our theme was, "The Bee Movie". Chosen because, for the previous 2 weeks, Tyson carried around "Barry Bee" (a toy from a McDonald's Happy Meal) & his face lit up every time that movie was selected.

Honestly, as Momma Foote said, I'm not sure Ty actually knew it was his birthday. However, we sure did, and we celebrated it in the best way we knew how... you guesses it... PETER PIPER!
The original plan was to do the party at our house and cover the walls of our family room with butcher paper and let the kiddos color on the walls (since that's Ty's favorite activity). Unfortunately, after 3 weeks of sick boys (including Matty) I decided that I didn't have the energy to antibacterial my house or risk sharing our sicky bugs.
When it was time to blow out the candle, Ty was fascinated by the flame and practically burned his own fingers as he attempted to extinguish the fire in the only way he knew how. Fortunately, Alex was more then willing to assist in blowing out the candle. Matty was kind enough to take these pictures. The guests that attended included, Momma & Papa Shumway, Mark & Tara, Uncle Jake, Momma & Papa Foote, Wendy & Brian, lil Brian, Griffin, & Lincoln. Uncle Ben, Westin & Sage, Adam & Nikki w/ Seth & Karsyn, Aunt Molly, Scarlett, our adopted Aunt Kathy and her daughters, Jessica & Allison ( Who are Ty & Alex's Favorite sitters and close friends) Thank you all for coming and helping make this day a special memory for our family!

THANK YOU...

Everyone knows that pizza is not the healthiest choice for dinner, however on a really rough day there is nothing quite like it. Wednesday was one of those days. Alex came home from Habilitation touting us with the therapeutic word "Piper". After, about 30 seconds, I assessed the current situation of my house and my emotional well being, and then quickly determined that Piper would be helpful to ALL of US!

This is Ty chilling w/ the Simpsons.

(Note the scratches from his most resent brawl with his brother.)
The Boys running around getting there energy out!
"Two Fist-ted Ty" in his race car with Cheese sticks in hand
Alex the Speed Racer
And Finally....Matthew the Crew Chief
Ty decided, enough with pictures... Camera Please

10 things I Love/Hate

Loves
Sunsets
Old Wrinkly People, still be in love
The Smell of Desert Rain
Chocolate
Wild Flowers
A great deal
Finding a lost item
A Good Book
Laughing
Creativity
Hates

Grumpy People
Yucky Smells
Uncomfortable Shoes & clothes
Evil Eyes & Dirty looks
People that are super judgmental
Being hot & Sweaty
College Algebra
Forgetting Appointments
Messy Handwriting
Being Tired

(Rachel inspired me to think about these)
After re reading my hates, I decided that I needed to write a disclaimer. I am definitely guilty of doing most of the things that I hate. Isn't that the way it usually is. The things that bother us most, we too are usually guilty of.
Also, I am reminded, there is a thin line between love & hate. I love that Algebra operates on the principle of maintaining an even balance on each side of the equation. However, I hate how difficult it is for me to manipulate number and maintain that balance. This is true in both equations and in life.

What an Adventure...1st Foote Family Camping Trip

Last weekend, we went to Tonto Catch a fish w/ the Foote's AND went camping overnight with Ben & Kim, Wes & Sage. This weekend, I asked Matthew what he thought about the experience, he said:"It was a lot of fun."
While that is true, I don't think that is how I'd describe it. Matthew & the kid loved it, but for me it's like bending myself into a human pretzel. I love my bed, shower, & potty, comfort, and everything else in my life that is predictable. Camping offers not one of those things. However there were a lot of wonderful things about the adventure.

The high points were:

1. The Boys were in heaven,
2. Smores are delicious,
3. The Stars
4. We saw a deer close-up
5. I picking delicious wild black berries
6. Playing in the Campfire without anyone telling me to stop.
7. Giggling w/ Alex & Ty at 3 am during a torrential rain storm
8. 5am breakfast at Del Taco to keep dry during the storm
9. Playing in Water that the city doesn't bill us for
10. Uninterrupted Family Time

You might also notice that there are no pictures of me on here. That is becasue I am not cute when I am camping and I refuse to be in photos that I will delete later. Also, I am usually so busy chasing my boys so- getting pictures taken is not the priority.

It's been a long time...

So, I use to blog when I lived in Everett WA. A period I now call the "Dark Period" as it's near Seattle, therefore it's cloudier than my emotional well being could tolerate. When Ty was born, I was too overwhelmed to do anything but basic survival. Alex needed Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Developmental Preschool and he couldn't stand to be in a public place without becoming a complete emotional wreck. (He has Autism) But, I didn't know it at the time. In addition I was isolated from all of my people, friends, family & the Zone (AZ).

Now that everyone and there dog has a blog, I have been intimidated to restart mine. Due to my desire to only want to do things that I am awesome at. (One of my many personality flaws)
So many people's blog's are a flipping piece of art, more amazing than the cutest scrapbook page. I don't have those kind of skills. I've been tempted to pay someone to make me a cool page design but that feels like cheating.

Anyway, to make this long story just a little shorter, I have realized that it is healthy to occasional do things that are out of one's comfort zone. So, this is the reason have started blogging again.

Plus, I'm a creative person and I need a outlet. So, I am setting aside my pride and doing this for me!

Racing to the future

Well another week has come and gone. It has been extremely wet and muggy the past few days but we are looking forward to a few days of sunshine. The other day during a brief stint of sun we took Alex to the Children’s Museum up here in Everett. He was so cute. They have a huge checkerboard with big plastic pieces. Alex likes to stack up the pieces and then he destroys the stack. The only problem is he gets too excited and only manages to stack two or three pieces before going nuts and tearing his creation down. We like to stack them for him while he busies himself with other things and then he comes a running and a screaming to tear it down. It’s cute. We need to focus on creating and not destroying.

Recently we purchased a bed for Alex. Sarah found a racecar bed on craigslist for $75. It was an awesome find but still wasn’t worth the money. When she looked a little later the woman had dropped the price to $50 and was willing to throw in the bedding and the mattress. We called her up immediately. Alex loves his new bed and frankly so do we. Its nice because when he is crying we can just sit next to him and love him rather than pull him out of his crib. He has slept so good. In fact he’s actually taken longer naps lately. This morning we had to wake him up so that we could get me to work.

We had some friends over tonight for FHE. We forgot the FHE part and just enjoyed playing a card game called “Apples to Apples”. I don’t really know how to explain it so I will just allow you to look it up. Then we played Karaoke Revolution. We all enjoyed that but Alex was getting cranky so we decided to send them home and we put Alex down.

We are excited because Jan is coming this week. Sarah is very excited because she will finally be able to get some alone time with a friend. She has friends here but it is a bit different and Jan and she have been friends for a long time. They are very ready to go see some movies together (aside from The Omen).

Well I better wrap this up as I’m very tired and sleepy.

Love you all.

Matthew Foote