Wednesday, March 19, 2014


 Everywhere I go I hear people say things about people who suffer with mental illness. Things like, "You know, She's Bipolar. Seriously Crazy! She's like slash your tires insane. She only has a Hot or a Cold." 

 Eventually I worked up the courage to reply,  "you know, I too am Bi Polar."
 The response, "NO... but I've see you... you're not like that." 
My response, "You've just never see me when I'm at my low."

So what does is feel like, this Ugly DISEASE? HOT and COLD it's  like having 2 people trapped within me. One who loves, serves and cares for others unselfishly. She would literally offer to strip naked if another shivered around her. For this SUPERWOMAN there is nothing too challenging. No number of children that can't be watched (all at the same time) nor is there a limit on the size of project or number of projects that can tackle. She barely needs sleep, yet somehow is passionately ready to defend the rights of all who suffer ANY injustice along her path. 

Photo taken from here
 However, in the wake of her heroism, she often leaves laundry unwashed, forgets to put away milk or any other small insignificant item in her path. Laundry is left unfolded, bathrooms frighteningly filthy. But seriously, who can you blame her, she is a real SUPER HERO. Who can trifle with such small and insignificant things. 

Do those things even matter? Who wouldn't want her fabulous powers and gifts? Well, to her precious sons and husband these things matter a lot. They are left feeling neglected unloved or unimportant. 

Out of survival, her 5 year old son learns to grab her face and say, "Mom, look at me, I want you to see me." 

 Needless to Say, when I am the SUPER HERO I'm not the Mom, wife or person that I need to be.

Photo taken from here
Soon enough the other "person" will surface. The broken down, depressed useless SLUG of a person. A being with little or no thought of personal hygiene. This woman, if you can even call her that... is suicidal. She possesses a complete incapacity to make even the simplest decision, like what to eat for lunch. 

The reality was that I was incapable of handling the challenge of waking up and functioning as a mother. I literally could not get out of bed often incapable of getting my kids off to school. In fact, in 2012 my kids missed several days of school. We received multiple phone calls and even a letter regarding attendance.

 The SLUG's Solution: new mother and wife for her family. A woman who deserves them, someone normal, stable and perhaps even painfully boring. 
Seeing the shattered body, the wounds and battle scars left by the Super Hero. She obsesses over the past, the relationships destroyed, and the victims previously overlooked. All casualties and damages of the SUPERHERO are now hers to try repair.

Completely over whelmed paralyzed by fear feeling utterly worthless and helpless. She looks at her emotionally bleeding husband moments away from a physical and emotional breakdown due to the weight of his overwhelming responsibilities. Caring for the HERO, the SLUG, and the children he is the cook, the cleaner, the sole provider and often the sole responsible adult in the relationship (If you can even call it that.)

 Where is the beautiful woman he married? His friend, fun partner and wife. He didn't marry THIS!!! This is not what he signed up for. Yet he stays, hoping that someday he will see the women the fell in love with. Knowing if he doesn't care for the family no one else will. 

Chemical Component

Image taken from
 Some ask, "Why didn't you take medications?"
My response, "I did and  I do."  
It TAKEN 9 YEARS working with various Doctors, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists to get to the diagnosis and medications to reach the level of stability I have today.

There have been times where the mask on my face was beautifully painted, months her and there where medications have been partially effective.  But the medication management is no easy feat.

The Behavioral Component

Even with the blessing of modern medicine, the desire to "do more" is a challenge.  Unavoidable stress, moving, and taking on too many responsibilities can send me spiraling once again into this miserable cycle with very little warning. 

I am learning to listen to my husband, family and close friends when they say,  "Sarah, do you think you're starting to take on too much." 
I have a new motto WWMT  "What Would Matthew Think?"
It helps me filter with greater wisdom the complexity of tasks what projects and activities are realistic and often when to let go. 

My Reality

Photo from here
While many people still see me as either the The SUPER HERO or the SLUG, God loves me.  He has allowed me to suffer so that I can learn, grow and be molded into to the beautiful instrument tuned in the hand of our Savior Jesus Christ.

It is my prayer that this helps someone. Don't give up!!! There is joy to be found. Our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy here on this earth. Our willingness to apply the atonement will determine the joy, peace and prosperity we experience in this life.  This is my story, my testimony and my knowledge, our Savior Jesus Christ loves us he wants to take away our pain. He will heal us, perhaps not temporally,  or in the way we have in mind, but he will easy our heavy hearts and encircle us in the arms of his love and make us whole.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Love it! Love it! Love it!

About a month ago, in a random moment... and Tyson Said, "I Love this house, I Love It! I Love it! I Love it!!!!"

Why I asked, "Because it has a side door on the laundry room...
a Back yard
And Stairs that go down.
And.... A whole side yard and
a road that goes down down like a roller-coaster.
AND my the windows I love them
And a TV.... And the computer
And the bathroom & The pictures and the Lamp
the  worms
And the Trees
The Birds,  Butterflies

The Lady Buds & Butterflies.

That's All...
I Love it all.

Tyson teaches me things all the time. Today he reminded me that when we express gratitude for all our blessings life is good and we really can "Love It"

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Millions of Peaches

Figured it was a good time to update everyone on the Foote Family here in lovely Everett Washington. It is hard to believe that we have been living in this heavenly place for about 2 months. We are truly enjoying ourselves up here in the sunny Pacific Northwest. Its sort of funny. I moved here partially for the rain and the clouds which I love. However we came at the very beginning of a potentially record breaking sun streak. We are currently sitting at 40 straight days without rain. 11 more days and Seattle officially breaks the record. It has been rather glorious.

Every day we bring our dinner onto our back patio and enjoy eating our meal in the cool weather. I don't say this to brag just to explain how nice it is up here right now. I'm sure that once winter rolls around, all my Arizona friends will be showing me where its at.

In the spirit of the season we decided to spend some time learning how to can stuff today. Specifically we decided to can peaches for the first time ever. We bought a case of Yakima Peaches a week or so ago and set them aside to ripen. After church today we went to work on this load of peaches. 1st we washed them all. Then we boiled them for about a minute and placed them in an ice water bath. Sarah's favorite part came next. She thoroughly enjoyed rubbing the skin off of the peaches in one clean peel. I must say it was a little disturbing watching her enjoy peeling the skins off :). Once completed we sliced and pitted the peaches and then submerged them in the suger water bath. We shoved those peaches in the jars and then pressure cooked/canned them. They currently await a seal check in the morning.

Was it worth it? I gotta say having done all of that work, I don't think so. I may change my mind once we start eating them as part of our food supply but we'll see.

The boys are doing good. It has been an extremely long summer. They have been out of school since May and start again this Wednesday. They are both sad and happy that summer is finally coming to an end. We have had plenty of time to play in the water.

And build anything and everything out of legos.

But it is time to go back to class and learn stuff. We are very excited for the boys to go back to school. Because we weren't sure where we would be living until mid summer we haven't gotten the situation quite how we would like. Tyson will be attending the school closest to us for half day kindergarten while Alexander will be in the 3rd grad at a school slightly farther away. I'm sure things will turn out well however and we are excited.

Tyson got to meet his teacher last week and I half to say, there were more families speaking Spanish there than in Gilbert.

Well I have rambled enough. We'll talk later.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

A Foote in Paradise

Welcome everyone to my very first post on this thing. I never really got into blogging but I thought I would take a minute or two to post as everything in our lives is changing this might as well too.

I am a man of very divergent impulses. I love for things to be tidy but can't stand actual cleaning. I love to argue but I avoid confrontations. I love my children and yet sometimes I wonder how I might get them into an adopt-a-kid scheme ;). In this vein I have transplanted my family once again to the polar opposite of where we lived before; figuratively speaking of course, although I hear the Indian Ocean is nice this time of year.

For those of you who don't know I accepted a new position within my team at Boeing which requires me to maintain a consistent and local presence. I tried to get a little Matthew-Bot setup but my boss didn't seem to keen on the idea. Obviously he didn't see how well it turned out for Sheldon.

I am out of my mind excited for this opportunity. I've been bored at work for some time and I think this is a great opportunity for me to grow as a person and for our family to grow as well. I truly hope that we are all able to have a great time, build up some wonderful memories and be contented and happy here.

We are moving into a place that is sort of hidden from the street and off the beaten path. It looks like a shack and according to Sarah it looks like a house a serial killer would use.

But it really is a nice place. We are getting the keys tomorrow and we'll take some pictures of the inside for everyone to see. In the interim here is a picture of our back yard.

FYI its sunny and 80 degrees out when we landed. Felt awesome!!! I have to brag now cause in 6 months all of my Arizona folks will have the upper hand. Of course the joke is on them because I love the rain and cold too.

For now in the words of Alexander Matthew Foote, "Happy Washington Day!"

Thursday, May 31, 2012

101 Dalmations/ Blog Posts

 photo from here
Can't believe this is my 101st Post. A few of you have followed me from the beginning,  those who have, I give a special thanks. To new readers, know that I am glad that you have come the time to share a small peice of the drama, tales, joys and pains that I have been blessed to experience. I'm guessing there will be many more to come.
Sarah S. Foote

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Back to Blogging

Photo from here
It has been just short of 5 years since we returned to live in Arizona.

In January, Matthew and I decided to move back to the Seattle Washington area. This was a seriously difficult decision. Primarily because there are so many wonderful blessings in our lives here. Including our beautiful, loving and supportive families, church, and schools.
Both Grandma and Papa Foote and Shumway are dear grandparents so different and each fabulous in there own way.  We have enough cousins to fill 2 suburbans, 3 minivans, a Nissan Pathfinder, and an Altima. If  you drive an additional 2 hours, there is a full sized van filled with 8 additional cousins. A great group of kids who are all eager for hugs, park outings, zoo trips, swimming and all other forms of play. And, of course, there are loads of aunts and uncles to share the fun.

Image from
Being members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint (mormon),  we have more then just a church congregational. It's more like an extended family, a support unit of brothers and sisters who teach each-other, and watch out for each-other and ideally provide the loving care that the Savior, Jesus Christ would, if he were to walked upon the earth at this time.

That may sound SUPER MUSHY and idealistic, however, I have experienced that love on numerous occasions.

I have mentioned in a previous post, I suffer from depression.  This condition is at times severe, chronic and debilitation. During those times, my perspective is seriously altered by the twisted feelings that threaten my health. However,  rays of sunshine come through unexpected reminders that somehow, in spite of my retreat, I am still loved and missed.

This has occurred through, surprise visits, text messages, rides to school for my children, precious little potted flowers and on quite a few plates of cookies dropped off  just because. These acts of kindness have warmed my aching heart and provided me with little glimpses of hope in times of extreme darkness.

Some may ask, why on earth would you even think about moving? There are lots of reasons but the most important is my sweetheart husband Matthew. Since college, he's been employed  by Boeing in Everett, WA. The company designs and manufactures enormous airplanes in a manufacturing facility that is literally the largest building in the entire United States of America. His dream for years had been to be an engineer and in the field of aerospace.
The whole time we have lived in the Valley of the Sun (AZ), we have been fortunate enough to maintain virtual employment. Meaning, Matthew works via Computer and conference calls with occasional trips to Boeing in Washington.
As a result, his career has been stunted, he has lacked the capacity to grow, learn new skills and has been limited to clerical paperwork. Which, if you know Matthew is virtually (pun intended) a life sentence of misery. He has a passion for learning  things, instead of the fun and books I choose, he is professional misery. While he is often found reading nonfiction, political, historical  and other educational books, blogs and articles. I could feel that in order to accomplish our families long term goals we needed to give him a chance to grow in his career and move our family the the rainiest place I know near Beautiful Seattle Washington.
The good news is, we will be members of a new ward family and will develop  friends there. Both of my sons, Alex and Ty, are naturals at making friends.
By now, you might wonder, what does any of this has to do with blogging again.

 In January of 2006, I started this blog to maintain the connection with my friends and family when I was moving to Washington. Now, with the same desire, It seems only natural to  again record my experiences.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Fallen Angel & Morning Madness

For those of you who know Tyson really well, you know of his affinity for butterflies.
Quite some time ago, we found a pair of with Fairy wings at a garage sale. Ty was in love right away and has spent many a day and night wearing the wings. We hide them, but sooner or later he finds them. Last week he decided he needed a little color to go with is ensemble. So, here's my little fallen Angel.
Painted toes and all.

Add ImageIn an attempt to get more activity into our schedule, We decided to start walking Alex to School. Before heading to school, we meet up with our friends. Hannah is a couple years older then Alex. Both of my boys think she's fabulous.

Monday, January 24, 2011

That WAS our good thing.

I love hugs cuddling with Matty and my boy and all that mushy stuff however,when it's time to sleep I want to be left alone. I don't not want to be touched. I make my own cocoon of fluffy pillows strategically placed at just the proper spots and off dreamland I drift . With little ones poking or pressing against me it is ABSOLUTELY impossible to me to manage anything resembling a good nights sleep.
As a result, we have a king size bed an active rule of no kiddos aloud during sleeping hours.
In addition, when it's time for our boy's to go to sleep we have been super firm about who sleeps in what bed. Even when Alex had very few words he would repeat, Mommy sleep in Mommy's bed and Alex sleep in Alex's bed. (image from here)
While most people's kids are much easier during the day our boys had bedtime down and were asleep by 7:30 with very little resistance.
Then about a week and a half ago, Tyson began pulling out all the stops. He would make endless excuses to be awake go pee pee in the potty 3-4 times. And seriously this kid actually managed to come up with liquid that many time. He needed multiple toys, and was unsettled for hours. We started putting them down at 7:30 it was 10 PM before sleep occurred. We tried a later bed time, threats, bribery and just about everything else we could think of.
Highly annoying. And make matters worse they started getting up in the middle of the night, 1 am or 3 am to wander into our bed. Matthew has slept on the couch or in Tyson's bed at least 3-4 nights.
Here I thought I had done everything right with teaching our boys to self sooth and still the night dramas.

What a nightmare.